


Blue Envelope

by cadkitten



Category: VAMPS (Japanese Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-08-05
Updated: 2008-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:41:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hyde gets drunk and does things with Kaz that he doesn't quite remember. Kaz remembers though... maybe too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blue Envelope

**Author's Note:**

  * For [GacktsmyBitch](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=GacktsmyBitch).



> For GacktsmyBitch, who requested this pairing off of y!gallery.  
> Prompt: 0007: Barrier for prompt_rotation on y!hosting  
> Song: "Black Out" by Lovedrug

It's gone on too long, this crazy shit that I can't quite seem to get a grasp on. But you don't know that. You're too blind to the world around you to even notice. You think I'm your band mate, your friend... maybe even just that guy you've started a new band with. I at least hope I'm your friend. But that's not at all what I want.

For years, I've watched you. I've sat back in the shadows and waited patiently for you to admit who you really are, to admit what one drunken night really meant to you. But you look at me like nothing has changed, like you don't remember that night in LA. I want you to remember... and yet I don't have the balls enough to do a damn thing about it. I'd jog your memory with the photos I have, if I thought it'd help. But it wouldn't.

You have a child, and a wife who seems to love you so very much. I wonder what she'd say if she knew you'd had your dick up my ass before. Maybe she'd blame it all on me, since I wasn't nearly as drunk as you. Maybe she'd shrug it off and move on with life. But then, maybe she'd make you admit the truth and force you out of your comfortable little lie.

That's why I'm doing what I am. That's why these photos are in my hand, tucked neatly in a little blue envelope, ready for her to look at them. And that's why I'm meeting her at this little cafe in the middle of nowhere. I'm actually surprised she agreed to it.

I'm tucked away in a little corner booth, my hands flipping the envelope over and over, my nerves on edge. I want this to be the moment of shining truth. And yet, I know there's a part of me that might just leave it as a meeting I can't really explain away and can't really force the truth out of.

The bell above the door tinkles and I look up, my vision hazy and my body shuddering. It's her. Thankfully, she doesn't have the kid with her. What the hell was the name of your kid anyway? I can't even remember. You never talk about it. I smile pleasantly at her as she approaches me. I push a coffee across the table at her, I've already ordered it the way you say she likes it.

She smiles and sits down, crossing her legs. "So, what's this all about, Kaz?" She doesn't seem mad, only curious.

Can I even do this? Can I ruin her life, your life, everyone's life, just because I want you so bad I can't even sleep at night? And then it hits me... maybe we can share you. But then that's presumptuous. What if you don't even want me? But if I can get you boozed up again, I can get you back in my bed, I know I can. "I..." I stare down at the table, suddenly more nervous than I was on my first date so many years ago. The words jumble up in my throat, choking me, and I take a gulp of burning coffee to try to make it go away. I end up coughing and crying from the pain.

She reaches out and pats my hand. "Calm down. It can't be that bad!" She smiles pleasantly and my heart sinks.

I shake my head. "I... I can't do this. I'm sorry." I reach out to take the little blue envelope and start to stand up at the same time. But she gets to the envelope first and pulls it toward her, flipping it over and opening the back. I stare at her in horror and then plunk back down, my expression stunned and my face ashen. She's going to kill me... or him... or both of us.

The pictures slip out into her hand and she flips idly through them, then puts them back in the envelope and pushes it back to me. "Is that all?"

I stare at the offending blue envelope, my heart pounding and then back up at her. "I..." I look away, "I didn't want you to see that. I was leaving." My voice sounds so weak, so incredibly fucking weak. I blanch.

She forces a smile and folds her hands in her lap. "Let me share a thing or two with you, Kaz, baby. You're not the first and you won't be the last. Hyde is..." she gestured one ringed hand around in the air, "how do I put this nicely... very sexually active when he's drunk." She reaches out and forces my head up so that I'm looking at her. "He's not particularly picky when he's wasted. There's a trail of men in his past and you're just one of them. I'm not quite sure why you and half of them feel the need to tell me something I already know... but I guess it's possibly honorable of you to feel obligated to let me know." She shrugs and lets go of my chin.

I blink at her, my expression dumbfounded. "My intentions..." I laugh softly, the sound bitter and hateful, "are anything but honorable, I assure you."

She arches one delicate eyebrow at me. "So you want a piece of him, then?"

Why is it that she makes it sound so easy while I keep thinking it's so hard? I shrug and then nod. "Yeah." My answer is so quiet it almost doesn't count as a response.

She pats my hand. "Then keep getting him drunk and be around if he gets the idea in his head that he wants to fuck someone up the ass." She shrugs and then smirks. "That is the idea, right?"

I flush and shift uneasily in my seat. "I care about him." A vague reply and I know it.

She snorts. "Right. If you did, then you'd leave him alone, since he's married and has a darling little child to attend to. You wouldn't be trying to get in his pants again if you _cared_." She sneers the last word at me and then picks up the envelope and walks right out the door.

I watch her, dread pooling in my stomach. She took the photos... but why?

I'm left to ponder that question for a little over two weeks and then I get the answer in a form I never expected.

I'm sitting in the studio, minding my own damn business, and before I know it, Hyde comes in and stands there, staring at me.

When I look up curiously, giving him a small smile, he tosses the blue envelope down on the desk in front of me. "So... what happens now?" His question sounds nervous, regretful, even scared.

I stare down at the envelope and then reach out, picking it up and opening it to peer inside. I have to be sure he's not playing me... that _she's_ not playing me. But there are all the little photos - pictures he took of his cock as he shoved it into me, pictures I took of him as he splattered me with his cum. I swallow forcefully and close the envelope, setting it back on the desk. "I... I don't know."

Hyde sighs and plunks down in the seat next to me. "I fucked up, I know I did. But I don't know how to fix it. I... I don't even remember doing that." He gestures at the envelope.

My gaze remains on him, on the way he looks like the weight of the world is on his shoulders, on the way he looks like he's falling apart at the seams. I purse my lips before I speak. "I know what I'd like, but that doesn't matter." I'm quiet about my answer, already knowing I'm speaking the truth.

"Maybe it does matter..." he leaves it vague, open-ended.

I look right into his beautiful eyes and then lean forward, cupping his cheek in my hand as my lips graze over his. When I pull back, I offer the best smile I can muster. "I'd like to share you... to share your heart, to share your bed... anything you'll let me have." I let my sadness come to the surface. "I know what I did, showing these to your wife, was wrong. I tried not to show her, to back out, but she took them anyway, right from under my hands." I stare down at the offending appendages, murder in my eyes. It's not fair that I got played, that I tried to reverse my faulty decisions and got caught in them anyway. "I tried to do the right thing in the end, but she wouldn't let me."

Hyde shakes his head. "No, you wanted what you wanted, and no one can blame you for that. It's my fault you even want it at all." He sighs, running his hands through his hair as he hunches over. "She's leaving me." The way he says it tells me it's a fact, that it's a certainty, not a possibility. "She moved out two nights ago, took our baby with her." He looks back up at me. "If you really want me... here's your chance."

I look at him for a long time, not daring to say a word. Finally, I reach out and take his hand in mine, tracing over where his wedding band once was. "You'll have me? Even though I'm the cause of all of this?"

His fingers tighten around mine. "I brought this upon myself, Kaz. You didn't have a damn thing to do with it. I don't know what she told you, but this isn't the first time someone's confronted her about me and my drunken escapades. But, she said it's the first time she felt like I could have something else from it... that maybe you could keep me in line where she couldn't." He looks up at me, his eyes pleading. "And I think maybe she's right. Maybe you can keep me from making the same old mistakes. Because you'll be there, you'll actually want me... won't you?"

My heart tightens in my chest at his words. It's true, I would be there in ways she wasn't. I can stop what she couldn't, because I'll be right beside him the entire time. "I do want you... and more than just your body." My eyes meet his and I swipe my thumb over his hand. "I've been wanting this ever since that night."

He glances at the envelope. "When was that?"

I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised he doesn't remember even the location. But I shrug it off. "Los Angeles... when we played at the House of Blues in Anaheim. That really nice hotel we spent the night in... you showed up at my room and," I bite my lip a little and then half-heartedly gesture at the photos, "we decided it would be a brilliant idea to photograph the occasion." I turn my gaze back to the floor. "I, um... I wish I'd had the sense of mind to keep that from happening. I feel like a horrible person for doing that when I knew you were married. But I couldn't control myself, my selfish desires. I knew what I was doing, it just seemed like I could write it off later." I'm shaking a little, not really noticeably, but enough that I know I am.

"I took part in it, too, you know. It takes two to fuck like that." He looks back up at me. "Those pictures... they're all focused on me. Did I... was I that selfish?" There's something in his voice, like he already knows the answer and he's upset about it.

"It doesn't matter." I squeeze his hand a little.

He looks sad. "I'll make it up to you. Just... promise me that if I get drunk, you'll always be there, right by my side, so I don't fuck up again."

I nod. "I'll watch you closer than I ever have." And it's the truth, I will. I'll watch him so closely he won't be able to make a single move without me seeing it. "Does that mean you're asking me to move in?" A joke, the grin on my face giving it away as such.

He looks up, studies my face, and then smiles. "Sure, what the hell. It's not like I'm using the other four rooms. Just pay half the rent and we're good."

I stare at him, startled, but not disagreeing. Hyde's house is huge and really it'd make the need for a studio obsolete. "We'll move the studio there then. It'd make more sense."

He nods and I can't help but let my heart soar. This is everything I ever dreamed of and so much more. It's like I can suddenly feel that barrier between us falling away. I only wonder if he feels the same or if I'm some kind of rebound and nothing more. But the cold, hard truth of it is that it doesn't really matter. He could be using me, and that would be fine. Just so long as I never know if that's the case, then I'll live every moment for what it is, and nothing more than that.

**The End**  



End file.
